Dirk Strider (
shippingmath) wrote2012-12-15 04:19 pm
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IC Voicemail Vatheon
This is Dirk Strider's SFC. It seems I'm not available right now, so leave a message. I'll get back to you. In the meantime, try to contain your disappointment over my absence.
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D --> I have a question for you
D --> I was wondering if you'd be interested in working on a project together
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Not everything needs the expertise of a Strider.
So lay it on me. What have you got for me, Equius?
I've got a prediction or two, so I doubt you're wasting my time.
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D --> Well, I'm writing a manual for how they work
D --> Which means I'm taking apart the prototypes
D --> Do you want to come see them
D --> You could help take them apart if you're interested
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You know just how to get a guy's attention.
In case it wasn't ridiculously obvious, yes, I'm interested.
From what he's said to me, he's had them for a while.
Any particular reason you're only now writing the manual?
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[TEXT]
IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT A CERTAIN PRESUMPTUOUS TOOL HAS GOTTEN IT INTO HIS HEAD THAT CALLING A TAKEN TROLL "SUGARLIPS" WAS A GOOD IDEA
AND HAS FURTHERMORE PESTERED THAT TROLL FOR PICTURES TO MATCH, THEREBY PROVING HE HAS NO SENSE OF SHAME, DIGNITY, OR NOT BEING A POOL OF SLOPPY FECAL DISCHARGE.
BACK THE FUCK OFF BECAUSE AS SAID, HE'S TAKEN
AND YES, THAT MEANS IN BOTH CONCUPISCENT QUADRANTS, WHICH I IMAGINE YOU HAVE SOME IDEA OF THE MEANING IF THE CONDESCE TOOK OVER YOUR BACKWATER EARTH COPY.
THE ONLY QUADRANT HE HAS OPEN HAS NONE OF THAT INVOLVED
AND FOR ALL I'M OPPOSED TO GRATUITOUS SHIT KICKING I AM NOT ABOVE PUNCHING THE POINTY DOUCHEBAG SHADES OFF YOUR FACE IF YOU TRY TO STEAL HIM OUT OF HIS MATESPRITSHIP.
[TEXT] Days later
He's not getting any special treatment.
I'm not aiming for any of his quadrants.
Even if I were, I'm not immature enough to think that calling him sugarlips or asking for pictures would actually get me anywhere.
Your matesprit is safe from my wicked ways.
[TEXT] during the wrath day of the curse, no less
THINK A FUCKING GAIN.
AND WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG THAT YOU ONLY HAD THE TIME FROM YOUR SCHEDULE TO REPLY TO ME TODAY, HUH?
IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE, AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION ERIDAN WAS IF ANYTHING GLAD AT ME TELLING YOU TO STEP OFF, AS YOU RIGHTLY SHOULD, YOU PRESUMPTUOUS SHITWIT.
EVEN WITHOUT ASPIRATIONS TO SNATCH UP HIS QUADRANT, I DO NOT, WILL NOT, AND AM ADAMANTLY OPPOSED TO EITHER CONDONING OR TOLERATING YOUR USAGE OF SUCH A BLATANTLY TASTELESS NICKNAME FOR HIM.
NOW BACK OFF.
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[TEXT] so says the guy from a race of trolls
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[Pardon Ky if he sounds a little confused about this.]
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[And Dirk sounds a little sharp. Roxy having his shades is one thing. Anyone else is a whole other story.]
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[Voice] April 3rd
[Mayyyybe she should've thought the color choice over more carefully. Welp.]
I mean, at least it's not fading to some really awful shade of green?
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[Siiiigh.]
If I call you the queen of April Fool's Day, will you agree to never fucking do this again?
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[Dirk can just hear her grin, and she doesn't care.]
Hey, there's no guarantee. A prankster's gotta prank, you know? ...Buuuuut maybe next time I'll do Kool-Aid instead. That stuff comes out with soap and water, at least.
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Neither should it be a surprise that the aforementioned stalker is a certain grim reaper who is as persistent as he is neurotic; having recovered enough from his foolhardy attempt at not-so-selfless heroism to be able to stroll around without needing too many breaks, he has eventually ended up here.
That's right, the same island-side residence that houses a troll woman Kid doesn't know, as well as his
secret agent buddyacquaintance Roxy. Whether they were within or not, he couldn't really say.But, having grown impatient with waiting for Dirk to show up (or perhaps assuming the Prince of Heart was already inside), he did exactly what every stalker shouldn't do to be successful.
He announced himself.
It meant he did some very firm banging on the door with his fist.]
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He isn't "better." But he can face the world without hating every world that comes out of his mouth, and that might as well be the same thing.
Which is why he actually goes to the door when he hears someone knocking on it. Even better: he doesn't just close it again when he sees that it's Kid.]
What do you want?
[If he's terse, well, he and Kid haven't been getting along well even for them, for the past few weeks.]
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Even so, his stance is almost casual, hands in his pockets, posture straight and precise as usual, eyes still a dull, tarnished shade.]
You--
[One hand leaves his pocket to point upward, as he continues:]
--have been much too quiet. Are you quite finished navel-gazing about your past transgressions? It's no way for someone of your station to act.
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Dirk is a teen version of Bro.
Davesprite has not yet actually trolled this guy in true Strider fashion. He might not consider himself a Strider, but he still has standards to maintain.
This is where it leads to.]
dirk
i have a confession to make
this stays between the 2 of us
if it leaves your voicemail i stg i will claw your eyes out and feed them to you
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wrongconclusion to come to should be that because Dirk is a teen version of Bro, he is completely untrollable.]That dire?
It can't be that bad, if you're not also threatening genital mutilation.
What's the fuss? Lay it on me, bro.
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do you really want me to add that to the list
i can and you wont like it
so you promise first and then ill spill
ill be holding you to the promise
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D --> Let's talk about horses
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Was it just 'cause of last week?
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D --> That
D --> And I didn't know you liked them until last week
D --> Darkleer keeps two in the backyard
D --> You could ride one, if you want
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I cannot remember this damn horse's name for the life of me
alas
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I asked James, the horse's name is Chance!
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