IC Voicemail Vatheon

[shippingmath]

This is Dirk Strider's SFC. It seems I'm not available right now, so leave a message. I'll get back to you. In the meantime, try to contain your disappointment over my absence.

Comments

[shippingmath]

You have a crush.
And you don't even know what type of bird she is.
Should I be proud or ashamed?
On top of this huge pile of "what the fuck" I've cultivated.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

hey i cant keep up with all the birds
id have to ask the person who works with them to confirm whether or not shes a magpie
on the bright side im in it to stay and not have a one day stand with her

[shippingmath]

Not to mention the insignificant detail of just how physically impossible that is likely to be.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

if people can be fucked by a horse and live to tell the tale then why not
also are you really curious enough about how birds reproduce for me to tell you

[shippingmath]

That's actually not information I want.
Amazingly.
In conjunction with my bro.

Is it just the plumage?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

dude i dont even know if ive got bird parts human parts or sprite parts
i havent checked and im not sure i want to know

no its not just the plumage

[shippingmath]

I know I don't.
Do me a favor and don't tell me if or when you find out.

Then what's so compelling other than that? Spill it.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

her sparkling personality
you know i cant resist shiny shit
not much else i can tell you that makes sense to a person
all i know is that shes a very appealing bird

[shippingmath]

This all sounds like a very wholesome bird pairing.
And I assume your method of courting her involves singing Katy Perry and shaking your wings.
You using that human part of your brain here, Brodiot?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

katy perry is only for you
a special kind of plague that i dish out to only you
like a lightning bolt your heart will glow
because of katy fucking perry
im using all parts of my brain here

[shippingmath]

Deep down in my heart, I'm touched and in awe of your dedication.
Though I'll remind you of a certain network broadcast wherein you were caught singing along.
And in which the horrors were not contained only to my delicate ears and sensibilities.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

true but youre the only one i continuously spew katy perry lyrics at
shes only for you when im doing it on purpose

[shippingmath]

This must mean I hold a special place in your heart.
Goddamn, I'm about to weep genuine sentiment all over the place here.
It'll be the Niagara Falls of overreactions.
Just don't forget about me when you're off singing The Sound of Music to this maybe-magpie of yours.