shippingmath | [Text] First Rap

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[Text] First Rap

Excuse me for stating the incredibly obvious, but looks like I'm not in metaphorical Kansas any more.
I knew our session was going to fuck already, but I didn't think it would screw up to the point of sending me to the wrong game.
Once again, existence has decided to prove to me that things can go wrong beyond my wildest expectations. It gets a gold star.
Not that I can't appreciate the irony of Pokemon, of all things.
It's simply negated when my sword is taken away and replaced with a 'mon with knives for hands.
Not to mention the gift backpack and the terrible music.
I hope there's something else worth listening to.

In the meantime.
Roxy, Jake, Jane.
I expect to get contact from you as soon as you see this.
Not to insult your intelligence, but your track record for survival in new places is utter shit.

Excuse me for stating the incredibly obvious, but look's like I'm not in metaphorical Kansas any more.
I knew our session was going to fuck already, but I didn't think it would screw up to the point of sending me to the wrong game.
Once again, existence has decided to prove to me that things can go wrong beyond my wildest expectations. It gets a gold star.
Not that I can't appreciate the irony of Pokemon, of all things.
It's simply negated when my sword is taken away and replaced with a 'mon with knives for hands.
Not to mention the gift backpack and the terrible music.
I hope there's something else worth listening to.

In the meantime.
Roxy, Jake, Jane.
I expect to get contact from you as soon as you see this.
Not to insult your intelligence, but your track record for survival in new places is utter shit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh yes shes a troll!
Or was a troll.
Apparently this place forces non humans into human form.

Goodness if youre going to be so demanding then i suppose ill have to oblige!
Well you can guess were living the pokemon life now.
Lets see ive been here for about...lands sake three months at this point or thereabout!
The most important facts would be these though.
Nobody has found a way out of here and you cant die here.
That doesnt prevent illnesses or the like from happening!
You just cant die from them.
Oh and team rocket is far from being comedic relief since the pokemon world doesnt discriminate in who gets dropped off here.
Got some nasty characters on that team.
Theyve burned down one of the towers just for a bit of fun and laced poison in some cookies.
I only know about the latter because of poor aradia eating *six* such cookies.

Can't die?
To what extent?
What's to stop me from, say, starving to death, or freezing?
"You can't die" is a rather interesting claim to make.
How'd she even get them, anyway?

You somehow get transported to a pokemon center.
Ive not only been told this but ive seen it myself.
One bloke apparently killed himself to prove this and made a network post a while ago!
I didnt talk to him but i did see it.
It was pretty grim business but...

Well there are pokemon giving out free samples in goldenrod city which is where we are now.
I cant imagine a decent prankster resorting to poison as any sort of prank so i assumed it was team rocket due to the shady characters they acquire!
She honestly didnt even know they were poisoned until she started feeling the affects.

Proof enough for me.
Not that I was all that eager to test it out for myself.
I've died enough for today.

Right.
Note to self: don't take food from strange pokemon.
Not that I was planning on it.

Wait you what?

[Yep, focusing on that.]

I was passed on.
I was no more. I had ceased to be.
I had expired and gone to meet my maker.
I was a late Dirk.
A stiff. Pushing up the daisies. Pulling down the curtain and joining the choir invisible.
An Ex-Dirk.
Is any of this connecting?

...
How?

[WHY DO ALL OF HIS FRIENDS DIE]

Edited 2012-12-19 21:01 (UTC)

Decapitation.
Circumstances called for it. I had to get to Derse and for once in my goddamn life I wasn't actually awake there.

Oh my god.
Ohhhhh my god!!!

[Thinking about that kind of freaks him out like holy shit so many things could go wrong there! But at the same time he can't help admiring Dirk's courage to actually take that chance. Makes him wonder if he could ever have that kind of courage (or the desperation) to do something like that.]

Are you okay?!

[Well, that's. Quite a bit of freaking out there. Since he can't exactly show up in person to watch as Jake kisses his severed head, he'll just flip to video.

He's standing around in the snow in his Derse pjs, with his Pawniard standing right next to him. There's no marks on him to be seen.]

Do I look decapitated?

[Jake gives him a critical look before switching on his own video. Don't mind the huge blue goddamn alligator shuffling around in the background.]

No, you don't even look nearly headless, of which I'm really thankful for! Do you feel okay?

[He won't ignore it, but he won't be paying any attention to it right now. Blue alligators are less important than best bros.]

Fine. I'm just my dreamself now, is all. Shit's taken care of, no need to worry.

Well, it sounds to me like you're further ahhhhlong than I am. Are Jane and Roxy okay?

[Almost said "ahead" and that would have been really awful to say at this point.]

[Oh Jake. Some day it will be okay to make decapitation jokes.]

Everyone's fine. We're getting into the game, at the moment.

[but that day is definitely not today]

That's a relief! [And he just noticed that Dirk is wearing jammies.] ...Dirk, aren't you cold?

A bit. [A lot, but he's speaking Dirk. He can't just admit that he's freezing his ass off.]

Needed to see where I was. That required going outside.

[o Dirk]

Just try not to get sick or frostbitten. Okay?

By the way, what Pokemon did you start with? I hope nothing that bi--GODDAMN IT, ANIKA!

[And the 'gear goes flying across the room! After a few seconds of struggling, Jake picks it back up.]

Terribly sorry, Dirk, but she--[He points the Pokegear at the Feraligatr that currently has half of his hand in her mouth before pointing it back at himself.]--took this moment to show me her affection.

That's something I can accomplish. I'm not setting out into untamed wilds here.

[He's just... going to have to wait to respond to that. Whee for a dizzying view on his 'gear's screen.]

Nothing that bites. Just this guy. [And he turns the video toward his Pawniard, who glances at the screen interestedly for a moment before turning away suddenly. He totally wasn't curious there, nope.] Apparently he's a Pawniard. I think I'll name him Kusanagi.

At least you won't be stuck there for long! Not with three people coming to pick you up.

[He is so sorry.]

Kus-what? [Just gonna call him...the Knife Pokemon Dirk Likes.]

Ku-sa-na-gi. Name of a famous Japanese sword. It's appropriate.

[Dirk your weaboo is showing.]

It sounds appropriate. ...Seriously, can I just call it Nagi?

[And Jake's fail with Japanese is showing.]

If that's the best you can do.

[Is it ever.]

[Kusanagi doesn't seem to mind, though. He's looking at the screen again, and he seems pretty happy about the nickname.]

[He grins at the Pawniard.]

Well, he doesn't look like he minds, so that's what I'm sticking to! Hold on a tick.

[Setting it down so that he can snatch something from off screen. Jake fixes the 'gear so that he can still be seen while holding up a giggling Emolga.]

This one's my starter! I named him Robin Williams!

[It's totally a she, but Robin doesn't really care and goddamn no gender differences between male and female Emolgas!]

If you insist. Some day you'll learn how to pronounce it properly, if you want to keep being my friend.

[Dirk just lifts an eyebrow at Robin.]

A flying squirrel? Truly, you and your team are the pinnacle of badass.

Then keep reminding me about the first part of his name, jeez.

[Robin waves genially at him. The spiky-haired wonder has returned!]

He's an electric flying squirrel, thank you very much. And I do have others on my team. [A very good portion of which are adorable little buggers.]

[Text] First Rap

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SCREAM THAT ICON FDJKASLJH why

how about this one? (I'm a horrible person)

WRY U DO DIS 2 ME

[Video!] because I live off your tears

[Video] silk you evil person

[Video] you're welcome.

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