shippingmath | [Text] First Rap

Excuse me for stating the incredibly obvious, but looks like I'm not in metaphorical Kansas any more.
I knew our session was going to fuck already, but I didn't think it would screw up to the point of sending me to the wrong game.
Once again, existence has decided to prove to me that things can go wrong beyond my wildest expectations. It gets a gold star.
Not that I can't appreciate the irony of Pokemon, of all things.
It's simply negated when my sword is taken away and replaced with a 'mon with knives for hands.
Not to mention the gift backpack and the terrible music.
I hope there's something else worth listening to.

In the meantime.
Roxy, Jake, Jane.
I expect to get contact from you as soon as you see this.
Not to insult your intelligence, but your track record for survival in new places is utter shit.

Excuse me for stating the incredibly obvious, but look's like I'm not in metaphorical Kansas any more.
I knew our session was going to fuck already, but I didn't think it would screw up to the point of sending me to the wrong game.
Once again, existence has decided to prove to me that things can go wrong beyond my wildest expectations. It gets a gold star.
Not that I can't appreciate the irony of Pokemon, of all things.
It's simply negated when my sword is taken away and replaced with a 'mon with knives for hands.
Not to mention the gift backpack and the terrible music.
I hope there's something else worth listening to.

In the meantime.
Roxy, Jake, Jane.
I expect to get contact from you as soon as you see this.
Not to insult your intelligence, but your track record for survival in new places is utter shit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, it sounds to me like you're further ahhhhlong than I am. Are Jane and Roxy okay?

[Almost said "ahead" and that would have been really awful to say at this point.]

[Oh Jake. Some day it will be okay to make decapitation jokes.]

Everyone's fine. We're getting into the game, at the moment.

[but that day is definitely not today]

That's a relief! [And he just noticed that Dirk is wearing jammies.] ...Dirk, aren't you cold?

A bit. [A lot, but he's speaking Dirk. He can't just admit that he's freezing his ass off.]

Needed to see where I was. That required going outside.

[o Dirk]

Just try not to get sick or frostbitten. Okay?

By the way, what Pokemon did you start with? I hope nothing that bi--GODDAMN IT, ANIKA!

[And the 'gear goes flying across the room! After a few seconds of struggling, Jake picks it back up.]

Terribly sorry, Dirk, but she--[He points the Pokegear at the Feraligatr that currently has half of his hand in her mouth before pointing it back at himself.]--took this moment to show me her affection.

That's something I can accomplish. I'm not setting out into untamed wilds here.

[He's just... going to have to wait to respond to that. Whee for a dizzying view on his 'gear's screen.]

Nothing that bites. Just this guy. [And he turns the video toward his Pawniard, who glances at the screen interestedly for a moment before turning away suddenly. He totally wasn't curious there, nope.] Apparently he's a Pawniard. I think I'll name him Kusanagi.

At least you won't be stuck there for long! Not with three people coming to pick you up.

[He is so sorry.]

Kus-what? [Just gonna call him...the Knife Pokemon Dirk Likes.]

Ku-sa-na-gi. Name of a famous Japanese sword. It's appropriate.

[Dirk your weaboo is showing.]

It sounds appropriate. ...Seriously, can I just call it Nagi?

[And Jake's fail with Japanese is showing.]

If that's the best you can do.

[Is it ever.]

[Kusanagi doesn't seem to mind, though. He's looking at the screen again, and he seems pretty happy about the nickname.]

[He grins at the Pawniard.]

Well, he doesn't look like he minds, so that's what I'm sticking to! Hold on a tick.

[Setting it down so that he can snatch something from off screen. Jake fixes the 'gear so that he can still be seen while holding up a giggling Emolga.]

This one's my starter! I named him Robin Williams!

[It's totally a she, but Robin doesn't really care and goddamn no gender differences between male and female Emolgas!]

If you insist. Some day you'll learn how to pronounce it properly, if you want to keep being my friend.

[Dirk just lifts an eyebrow at Robin.]

A flying squirrel? Truly, you and your team are the pinnacle of badass.

Then keep reminding me about the first part of his name, jeez.

[Robin waves genially at him. The spiky-haired wonder has returned!]

He's an electric flying squirrel, thank you very much. And I do have others on my team. [A very good portion of which are adorable little buggers.]

Kusanagi. Four syllables. Surely you can remember it.

[He gives a muted wave in return.]

The 'electric' bit doesn't negate the flying squirrel, you realize.

I think it's that "ku" part I have problems with.

[Another eye roll.]

Oh, come on, he helped quite a bit in my first gym match! Just because he's a flying mammal doesn't make him any less than stellar.

[That's about when Tweety the shiny Swablu perches on his shoulder, giving Dirk a curious look. God, where are all these Pokemon coming from?]

Suffering defeat at the hands of a mere syllable? [Jake, you need to stop being so easy to tease.]

And just because he's a vicious fighter doesn't make him any less cute and fluffy.

Jesus, dude, if your team is all like this then you're really not helping your case.

Oh, sod off, you wanker. [It's sad that he's actually missed this.]

Hush! Not all of them are fluffy! Cute is simply a matter of opinion, and I think they're all adorable and cool.

[Just a bit. Jake has the best friends.] Unfortunately, I do nto recognize sod as a verb. Therefore, I cannot do what you want me to.

You've yet to show me evidence of a non-fluffy team.

[The absolute best.]

Hang on, then.

[Looking around...and then his face brightens and he pans the camera over to a Gallade that's lounging next to a wall. It rests on him for a few seconds before it's back on Jake.]

There! Tate's definitely not a fluffy Pokemon.

All right, that I am willing to admit is badass.

[Does he sound a bit admiring? Totally. That's a cool pokemon right there. He wants.]

[Naturally, Jake is going to note that for future reference.]

Haha, Tate seems to approve of your compliment! He's one of the Pokemon that Ralts can evolve into, but only if the Pokemon in question is male and you have a Dawn Stone on hand.

[Dirk, of course, is just planning on finding one himself. Gifts from friends, what even?]

I'll keep that in mind. Dude deserves the compliment.

Gallade and his counterpart, Gardevoir, are pretty excellent Pokemon to have regardless, in my opinion. They're incredibly loyal to their trainers, going so far as to risk life and limb for their safety!

[Text] First Rap

[Video]

[Video]

Re: [Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]

[Video]