shippingmath | [Text] First Rap

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[Text] First Rap

Excuse me for stating the incredibly obvious, but looks like I'm not in metaphorical Kansas any more.
I knew our session was going to fuck already, but I didn't think it would screw up to the point of sending me to the wrong game.
Once again, existence has decided to prove to me that things can go wrong beyond my wildest expectations. It gets a gold star.
Not that I can't appreciate the irony of Pokemon, of all things.
It's simply negated when my sword is taken away and replaced with a 'mon with knives for hands.
Not to mention the gift backpack and the terrible music.
I hope there's something else worth listening to.

In the meantime.
Roxy, Jake, Jane.
I expect to get contact from you as soon as you see this.
Not to insult your intelligence, but your track record for survival in new places is utter shit.

Excuse me for stating the incredibly obvious, but look's like I'm not in metaphorical Kansas any more.
I knew our session was going to fuck already, but I didn't think it would screw up to the point of sending me to the wrong game.
Once again, existence has decided to prove to me that things can go wrong beyond my wildest expectations. It gets a gold star.
Not that I can't appreciate the irony of Pokemon, of all things.
It's simply negated when my sword is taken away and replaced with a 'mon with knives for hands.
Not to mention the gift backpack and the terrible music.
I hope there's something else worth listening to.

In the meantime.
Roxy, Jake, Jane.
I expect to get contact from you as soon as you see this.
Not to insult your intelligence, but your track record for survival in new places is utter shit.

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[doot doot checking the network wow he's actually being regular about this stuff.]

[Oh, hey, that's some familiar oran--]

[WAIT. WAIT HE KNOWS THAT INFURIATINGLY ORANGE TEXT WITH ITS INFURIATING LANGUAGE THAT HE UNDERSTANDS ABOUT HALF THE TIME AND ONLY A QUARTER OF THE TIME UNDERSTANDS CORRECTLY.]

[omg feeling positively giddy that one of their friends came back!

Okay, so it was Roxy that left, but still. Been feeling that need for the whole group being together, man.]

Dirk!
Good grief man you certainly kept us waiting long enough!
Had to take as long as possible before making an entrance did you?
Okay its been a tad bit longer for me than say jane but still.

My sincerest apologies for my lack of control over my own temporal displacement.
I'll do better next time, Bro.

See to it!
Waiting for you to get your rear into gear for three months gets rather tiresome after a while ill have you know!
But to be serious for a moment welcome to johto.
I suspect that dave is about ready to come get you.
Sadly id join the party but ive got nothing to cart me back to new bark town in a reasonable amount of time.
Speaking of which!
Youre just in time for christmas so this should be exciting!

[god, he's just all over the place in excitement at Dirk finally being here]

Edited 2012-12-18 06:23 (UTC)

Yeah, he got on his way as soon as he saw this.
It's gonna be a Strider party up in here.

[And Dirk's still in the tiniest bit of awe over that. That sure is his teenage bro coming to pick him up. What is he even going to do about that?]

I'm simply thrilled. Christmas won't be ruined after all.
Too bad you can't see all these tears of joy I'm crying here, shit's downright touching.

Considering he was raised by an adult you im not surprised that hes so quick on it!

Well youll be getting your birthday present from me too since you missed it.
How much have you been told about johto?
Other than the fact that there are lots of time shenanigans afoot.

[Well. He just won't touch on the adult him for a moment. That's not a thing he needs to think about on top of the whole pokemon thing.]

Not much other than 'hey pokemon.' Jane told me the two of you are traveling with someone called Aradia.
You gonna lay the facts on me, Bro?
The facts, give them to me.

Oh yes shes a troll!
Or was a troll.
Apparently this place forces non humans into human form.

Goodness if youre going to be so demanding then i suppose ill have to oblige!
Well you can guess were living the pokemon life now.
Lets see ive been here for about...lands sake three months at this point or thereabout!
The most important facts would be these though.
Nobody has found a way out of here and you cant die here.
That doesnt prevent illnesses or the like from happening!
You just cant die from them.
Oh and team rocket is far from being comedic relief since the pokemon world doesnt discriminate in who gets dropped off here.
Got some nasty characters on that team.
Theyve burned down one of the towers just for a bit of fun and laced poison in some cookies.
I only know about the latter because of poor aradia eating *six* such cookies.

Can't die?
To what extent?
What's to stop me from, say, starving to death, or freezing?
"You can't die" is a rather interesting claim to make.
How'd she even get them, anyway?

You somehow get transported to a pokemon center.
Ive not only been told this but ive seen it myself.
One bloke apparently killed himself to prove this and made a network post a while ago!
I didnt talk to him but i did see it.
It was pretty grim business but...

Well there are pokemon giving out free samples in goldenrod city which is where we are now.
I cant imagine a decent prankster resorting to poison as any sort of prank so i assumed it was team rocket due to the shady characters they acquire!
She honestly didnt even know they were poisoned until she started feeling the affects.

Proof enough for me.
Not that I was all that eager to test it out for myself.
I've died enough for today.

Right.
Note to self: don't take food from strange pokemon.
Not that I was planning on it.

Wait you what?

[Yep, focusing on that.]

I was passed on.
I was no more. I had ceased to be.
I had expired and gone to meet my maker.
I was a late Dirk.
A stiff. Pushing up the daisies. Pulling down the curtain and joining the choir invisible.
An Ex-Dirk.
Is any of this connecting?

...
How?

[WHY DO ALL OF HIS FRIENDS DIE]

Edited 2012-12-19 21:01 (UTC)

Decapitation.
Circumstances called for it. I had to get to Derse and for once in my goddamn life I wasn't actually awake there.

Oh my god.
Ohhhhh my god!!!

[Thinking about that kind of freaks him out like holy shit so many things could go wrong there! But at the same time he can't help admiring Dirk's courage to actually take that chance. Makes him wonder if he could ever have that kind of courage (or the desperation) to do something like that.]

Are you okay?!

[Well, that's. Quite a bit of freaking out there. Since he can't exactly show up in person to watch as Jake kisses his severed head, he'll just flip to video.

He's standing around in the snow in his Derse pjs, with his Pawniard standing right next to him. There's no marks on him to be seen.]

Do I look decapitated?

[Jake gives him a critical look before switching on his own video. Don't mind the huge blue goddamn alligator shuffling around in the background.]

No, you don't even look nearly headless, of which I'm really thankful for! Do you feel okay?

[He won't ignore it, but he won't be paying any attention to it right now. Blue alligators are less important than best bros.]

Fine. I'm just my dreamself now, is all. Shit's taken care of, no need to worry.

Well, it sounds to me like you're further ahhhhlong than I am. Are Jane and Roxy okay?

[Almost said "ahead" and that would have been really awful to say at this point.]

[Oh Jake. Some day it will be okay to make decapitation jokes.]

Everyone's fine. We're getting into the game, at the moment.

[but that day is definitely not today]

That's a relief! [And he just noticed that Dirk is wearing jammies.] ...Dirk, aren't you cold?

1/???

gonna tell you when this ends

Having flashbacks to Jane's intro already

omg Jake STOP

[Text] OKAY DONE

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SCREAM THAT ICON FDJKASLJH why

how about this one? (I'm a horrible person)

WRY U DO DIS 2 ME

[Video!] because I live off your tears

[Video] silk you evil person

[Video] you're welcome.

[Video]

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